I am a different person than the one who stepped onto the teacups five years ago. I have been stretched, I have been challenged, I have been changed. I have faced adversity, pain, and heartbreak. I have failed, and I have triumphed.
I have explained my analogy of the teacups and told you of the amazing work God is doing here in the Dominican Republic and in our Latin America Region, but I couldn’t complete this story without telling you what God has done for me.
I live out my missionary life in the beautiful country of the Dominican Republic, and although I struggle to function in my everyday life, a great love for this country has grown and taken deep root in my heart. The people of the Dominican Republic radiate compassion and positivity. They have a zest for life no matter the circumstances they find themselves in, whether they wear riches or rags. They are grateful, they are happy, and they are kind. I have fond memories of mountain hikes, whale watching, sunrise beach walks, garden strolls, pig roasting, and late-night baseball games. The Dominican culture is infectious.
I do have my gripes with the dust and the bugs and having to throw my toilet paper in the garbage can, but this country has been nothing but warm and gracious. I have witnessed great examples of hospitality, gratitude, and a loving-your-neighbor lifestyle. I have learned the importance of my vocations as a mother, wife, and missionary spouse. These are vocations I love, but they are difficult to live out gracefully while I am on this ride.
Being a wife in the mission field has been a complicated road to walk. There has not always been a clear-cut place to serve. The home, especially with children, needs a lot of attention. The cooking of food, washing of clothes, and the planning of the details of life all take so much more time than any of it used to when I lived in the States.
Two years ago several missionary women began meeting together online for Bible study. We began with a study on purpose. Sharing God’s Word with one another while we discussed our challenges and triumphs has been the lifeline I have needed during the hardest days. I am not alone in many of my struggles. I am also not alone in the way God is using me. Missionary women, most of them wives, who have moved to another country as an accompanying spouse—we all have stories of the ways God has changed each of us. He is present in our lives.
God is present in my life. This is something I can see more clearly now than I ever could before. Once the “fluff” of the unnecessary was stripped away, there wasn’t much left to distract from Him. Now it is much more clear how big God is. It has been like draining the ocean around the iceberg. How could I see the depth of Him in my life when I kept filling the ocean with other things I thought were important? He has always been this big, this important, and this powerful in my life – it was just harder to see before.
This is the first part of me that is different since living on the teacups, and it is the most important. I have a deeper understanding of who God is, the depth of His love, and the awesomeness of His power. He is my rock, my deliverer; He is my stronghold, my shield; He is my shepherd and my healer. The Lord of all creation holds me in His right hand. It is amazingly beautiful to be His beloved.
But my understanding of our Lord and Savior is just one part of me that has changed since climbing aboard the teacups. I have changed and not just in the gray hairs or wrinkles that have graced my appearance. This journey has included a series of gifts along the way. In times where I have been at my lowest, God has unveiled great beauty in my life. He has taught me valuable lessons that I pray I will hold fast to forever. It is not just getting to see the beautiful work He is doing around me, but the work He has done in my life as well.
The Almighty has placed me on this island where He knew I would struggle. And while I do not feel equipped to be here, He has sustained me. He has carried me thus far. He has done this partly with the people He placed here on the ride with me. I would not have made it five years if it weren’t for the friendships I have needed to lean upon. I can see His hand in those He brought to walk alongside me during the different seasons of this journey. Beautiful sisters in Christ who have held my hand when I was most vulnerable, men of God who continuously pointed me to Scripture, friends near and far who encouraged me, all of them saints woven by God into this tapestry of my life to continue me on this ride. The friendships I have been given are among my most favorite treasures from our time in the mission field.
God not only gave me new friendships to support me during this time, but He also gave me new passions. I never expected to uncover a talent or skill after I turned thirty. (I also didn’t expect to make a career change and uproot our family to another country at that point either–so really nothing should surprise me at this point.) But a few months into this ride, I picked up a pencil and a sharpie and began writing His Word down in pretty letters. It began as a small side hobby–a way to pass the time while I stole a few moments here and there to just sit in the air-conditioning and take a break from the heat. I never anticipated it to grow into anything more than a few pages I hung up on my own wall, but again God had different plans for me. His plans always surpass my wildest imagination.
“and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor.”
Isaiah 61:3
From a season of deep heart-wrenching grief grew a new talent, skill, and passion. When I was at my darkest moments, sprawled out before my Bible, God gently showed me how He could turn the ashes of my pain to beauty in my art. Lettering not only became a skill but was an avenue to process my heartache and brokenness. God gave me a beautiful gift in my season of grieving. He has helped me grow this passion into a small side business. He has helped me reach out to friends and family far away. He has given me a way to share His Word with others in my life. My art has become a way I can give back to the church and the mission. He has placed supportive friends in my life who have rallied around me, have lifted me up, and have even used my art to help share God’s love in their communities. I have been able to lead lettering classes, create art for others to share, and reach out across the borders with His Word when my words have been insufficient. My heart beams when I see others light up with joy when they create beauty with His words.
Out of my pain and grief has also come my writing. It is where the journey of this blog was born. Writing has been another way for me to process my heartache and all the other complicated emotions I have felt on the teacups. I have been able to express myself better on the pages of my computer screen than I ever could while speaking words.
I have not only been able to process emotions with writing, but I have been able to make connections. I have found others who can relate to my pain or struggle with similar questions. Connecting with you has been a gift. When I write out my thoughts and they resonate with you, I don’t feel so far away. This journey has given me a story to tell and a reason to write. If my life was easy and not filled with complicated emotions, what would I write to you? I have found my voice while navigating this life that is the teacups. And while I struggle through the day to day, I am thankful that I have found my way to you through these pages.
The day-to-day struggle has taught me how to cherish the simple joys of life. When we first moved here five years ago, I began a journal. For the first six months I wrote in it faithfully, and I always included one part of that day that brought me gratitude. I shut that journal when my life began to unravel and never opened it again until today. Today I chose to look back at those very first moments of my ride on the teacups, and I wanted to share some of them with you.
July 31, 2015 Today I woke up in our new house in Santiago. The previous 48 hours are a blur. Today we begin our new life as missionaries. It is crazy. It’s scary. It’s exciting. I am thankful that God wants us to serve here. I am thankful for the friends He has given us to get us here and the friends who will move us forward.
August 13, 2015 These days I feel like I live in a careful balance of chaos and the unknown. Like I don’t have time to stop and think. I just have to keep moving forward. Today Blake and I took our first taxi to IKEA. We then took another taxi-truck home with all our furniture. We made it. I had reservations, but we made it. We also had dinner at an Italian restaurant with other missionaries. The food was great, and the company was even better. I’m thankful for good food.
September 23, 2015 We went to the church service in Palmar tonight. It was my first time being back there since we moved. It felt so wonderful to be back. We were welcomed with open arms. I loved watching Abby and Rachel meeting new friends. It was great to feel among friends. I am thankful that I have friends here.
October 20, 2015 Rachel is feeling better today. I am still not feeling great. My throat really hurts. I started lettering. It calms me. I am thankful for a new hobby.
October 28, 2015 Took a Spanish test today – that didn’t go so great. Rachel snuck candy at dinner. Being a mom is hard sometimes. Totally freaked out in bed when a moth landed on my face. I’m thankful Blake helped me get the moth so it wouldn’t attack my face all night.
November 15, 2015 I am nervous to be in this house and this country without Blake. These are the times that I abandon my fears and cling to trust. These are the times when I understand what trust means. It is much harder to trust the Lord amidst our own securities. When we no longer have what makes us feel safe, that is when we only have HIM. That is the trust He wants us to put in Him. Thank You, Lord, for being my stronghold.
December 12, 2015 We were able to have date night. We went out to a nice restaurant. It was in a gas station. It makes me laugh but it was great. The food was wonderful and so was the company. Sometimes I forget I am living life in a foreign country and I can just be in the moment. Tonight was like that. I am thankful for nights out with my husband.
I have learned to cling tightly to life’s simple joys. A cool breeze, a freshly baked croissant, a vibrant sunset, a walk on the beach, a family game night, a ripe mango, conversations with friends, the blooms of the flamboyant tree, a simple moment when my heart smiles–I hold onto each one. And I capture as much of that moment as I can in my mind, taking a mental snapshot. I do this because these simple joys help me get through the moments that are frustrating, difficult, and burdensome. When I take extra effort to acknowledge the good moments, the others do not hold as much importance. The simple joys are not as few and far between as I once thought them to be. When I began to intentionally seek them out and hold them fast, I realized they occur more frequently than I once believed.
I wanted to share these simple joys with you along with the other treasures that have come from my ride on the teacups because riding the teacups has been difficult—unbelievably difficult. I am nothing short of amazed that we are still here after five years.
I have not adapted to life on the teacups. I still greatly struggle with this life, partly because our road has been bumpy but partly because that is just who I am. Does that mean I never will adapt?
I don’t know.
I would have thought I would be closer than I am right now. But if there is anything I have learned, it is that we have a Mighty God who can do absolutely anything. Nothing is impossible with Him. Could I at some point love the teacups?
Yes.
Because with Him anything is possible. This doesn’t mean that I will eventually love the teacups, but it is possible.
“But Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.’”
Matthew 19:26
God has done great things, and I will sing of His great works. He is mighty. He is my strength and my shield.* He will rejoice over me with gladness.* Nothing is too hard for Him which includes helping me on the teacups* because He is wise in heart and mighty in strength.* He loves me with an everlasting love.* His burden is light* and His grace is sufficient for me. That is why I boast. Because His power is made perfect in MY WEAKNESS.* My weaknesses on the teacups point to the power of Christ. I am here, still on this ride, with my two feet still in the Dominican Republic because He is mighty. He is powerful. He is loving, and He is good. And with HIM all things are possible.
Although I dislike the teacups, I still have hope—hope that I will survive and that maybe one day I might even love this ride of cultural adaptation. And even though it feels impossible on my darkest days when I cry out in anguish, I still have hope. Because all things are possible with Him who loves me.
*Psalm 28:7
*Zephaniah 3:17
*Jeremiah 32:17
*Job 9:4
*Jeremiah 31:3
*Matthew 11:30
*2 Corinthians 12:9
