my alabaster flask - a missionary mom with a blog

my alabaster flask

a missionary mom with a blog

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Our Story

11 / 1 / 1611 / 1 / 16

Each missionary and missionary family has their own unique story of how they came to the mission field.  I am sure every story is great, but our story is my favorite.  I don’t want to sound arrogant in picking our story to be my favorite, but I didn’t write our story.  God is the author of this story.  We are merely the characters He chose to include, and I am so thankful that we are in this story He is writing.Hebrews12v12

I would consider myself a homebody and would have been delighted to never live farther than five minutes from my parents for my entire life.  But in our young marriage, we chose to move across the country.  Delaware is a completely different world from California.  We were two California kids figuring out how to be homeowners, how to be grown ups, and how to salt a driveway (FYI: table salt and driveway salt are not the same thing, and table salt is not effective as driveway salt).

youngmarriageThat move was hard.  There was no cross-cultural training, but there was culture shock.  That move was also good for our young marriage.  It forced us to be independent from our parents and dependent on each other.  We grew closer together in Delaware.  We became a team in Delaware.  We also had our first daughter in Delaware.  And true to the “small wonder” state, our oldest is kind-hearted, reserved, and gentle.

After four years of growing (and the growing pains that go with the growing), four years of homesickness, four years of balancing work and family, we moved to Las Vegas.  Las Vegas was within driving distance to home.  Las Vegas was sunny.  Las Vegas was a transplant culture of families that were looking for close friends.  Most people hear Las Vegas and think “casinos and nightlife.” Most people don’t know the natural beauty of the Red Rock Mountains, the walking trails, and the family friendly suburbs.  We found a church in Las Vegas.  We found a family of friends in Las Vegas.  We found a home in Las Vegas.   Las Vegas was also where we had our second daughter.  And true to the glitz and glam of Vegas, she is a free-spirited, fun-loving, dance-in-the-grocery-aisle kind of girl.

Our church in Las Vegas quickly became our home.   We became involved.  We became invested.  I taught at the preschool, and we went to Bible studies and parenting classes.  Blake went on a mission trip.  He wanted to go to Liberia but that trip conflicted with the due date of our second daughter so he went to the Dominican Republic instead.  The trip was great.  He loved it.

Two years later the opportunity arose for both of us to go back together.  Our pastor asked me to help lead early childhood classes for teachers down there.  It was amazing.  It was great.  I loved it.  I never thought (NOT ONCE) that it would be our lives.  I thought serving God from the comfort of the suburbs was wonderful.  It was ideal.  I was serving Him by teaching preschool at a church; I was serving Him by leading parenting classes, and I was serving Him by supporting missions in the Dominican Republic.  But the emphasis on my life (which I didn’t realize at the time) was on the “I was…”   It was what I wanted, and what I decided my serving should look like.  I never asked God how I should serve Him, and I really didn’t turn over my life to Him.  

Three months later our church asked Blake and me to go down to the Dominican Republic  and be the representatives at the FORO.  WeekendAwaySo basically they said they would pay the expenses for my husband and me to go away together for a long weekend to the Caribbean, and we would be staying on the beach.  My sister could come watch my two girls.  Who would say no to that????

That’s when it happened.  That’s when God used the missionaries down there to stir our hearts.  That is when God gave us a desire and longing to REALLY serve Him, to put our lives in His hands, to give Him control, and to trust that He could use us to make a difference.  It took several missionaries saying, “You should be missionaries” for my response to go from a “No way” to a “Well…maybe.”  We prepared to head back to Las Vegas.  You won’t believe what happened.  My husband, who is organized and efficient, got the time of our flight wrong.  We were stuck in the DR for another day.  We went back to that resort and most of the missionaries were still there.  We had a whole day sitting in the Caribbean Sea, just the two of us.  We took our fruity drinks out there and talked about “what ifs” and “well…maybes.”

The “well…maybe” was enough when I left the next day to have a heart to heart with God after I got home.  My prayer went something like this:

Well God, you know I don’t do well outside of my comfort zone.  You know I am not social.  You know I don’t like to do new things.  Change scares me.  I am terrible at Spanish or any language.  I really enjoy serving you in here in Las Vegas…but… (sigh)… if you want to use me somewhere else, like, say overseas in a different country, for example, if you want me to follow You, if you want me to get out of the boat… call me like You called Peter.  I will go.  I will follow you.  I will trust You with my WHOLE life and YOU can use me and my family however You want.

That prayer gave me peace.  Peace I had not felt since returning from my weekend away.

Isaiah52 2

I texted Blake.   It went something like this:

me:  I don’t feel like I belong here anymore.

Blake:  maybe that is a good thing

me:  I think that maybe we should think about this missionary thing

Blake:  I think so too.

me:  I think we should pursue this sooner rather than later

Blake:  I just printed out the application this morning

I have heard from several other families that one spouse had the desire and then presented the idea to the other spouse.  It was always a question others had asked us.  “Whose idea was this?”  “Who had to talk the other into it?”

That isn’t how it happened for us.  God gave us this longing at the same time.  I am so glad He did.  Because there wasn’t ever a doubt in my mind that this was God’s idea.  Two hearts changing at the same time… that isn’t coincidence, and that isn’t by accident.

So there we were ready to give it all up.  We were living the American dream.  You see, what I didn’t mention was Blake was climbing the corporate ladder – and quite quickly.  It was what moved us across the country and back.  We had everything you grow up saying you want: a house, kids, cars, friends, a church, a beautiful neighborhood, vacations – we had it all.

Blake worked for a casino.  And this is what makes our story my favorite.  It was a job he fell into after college.  He is just so brilliant (and modest, so he will hate that I said that), he would have worked his way up any corporate ladder.  He could have worked for a paper company, and we would have been living the American dream.

But God is the author of this story, and it only goes to show the power of God that He would take a guy working in a casino and a girl who is scared of everything and have them “throw down their nets” and follow HIM to serve in the mission field.

We did.

It hasn’t been easy, but it has been wonderful and rewarding.  I am still learning to trust Him for everything.  I am still scared of everything, but I have learned that HIS life for me is better.  It is better than I could have imagined.  It is better than the life I planned.  It is better than the ways I decided I should be serving. So, He can keep writing.  He is the author of my life, and I will continue to trust Him through the scary parts, lean on Him through the sad parts, and rest on the promise that our story will take me to a beautiful reunion in His Heavenly Kingdom. I anxiously await that reunion with my Savior and the reunion with my daughter. And I will know in that moment our story will have only just begun.

TenThousandYears

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October 15: Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

10 / 15 / 1610 / 14 / 16

Hi friend,

We need to talk about grief. We need to have an open conversation where I can share with you some pretty ugly stuff that comes with grief.  We need to have this conversation because at some point you may encounter a young mom who had to say goodbye to her baby, and my dear friend, I want you to know how to help her.

I get that this isn’t the stuff you want to read. I get that this isn’t the stuff you want to think about. You want to fill your day with happy thoughts, funny cat videos, and uplifting quotes. I want that, too (not the cat videos – I’m just not a cat person – sorry). I have had such internal conflict over the past few months over navigating social media in my current state. Do I give you every cry of my soul, discouraging feeling, and a true picture of my vulnerable, battered heart?  Do I put on a fake happy face, share only moments that convey smiles, and pretend life is good? Is there a middle ground?

I never want to pour out negative emotions on social media. I really want to fill the cyber void with hope and positivity. So what do you do when you are down? When you are low? When you are broken? When you don’t have a lot of hope to write about? How do you stay honest and positive? I don’t know the answers. That is why my social media has been more quiet than usual these past few months.

But there is something you need to know. There is something that the grieving mother
who will look back on me as the mom who went through something similar needs to know, and this is it:  losing your baby is HARD. It will shake you to your core. It will tear you down in ways you didn’t know were possible.
ellas-cornerIt will lead you to question everything you thought you knew to be true. It will leave you feeling hopeless, helpless, and so profoundly alone. Your arms will ache because they were preparing for a baby they do not get to hold. Your ears will deceive you in the middle of the night convincing your
head they hear tiny infant cries. Your heart will break a thousand times over every second you look in the direction where a crib should be placed in your room, and your soul will be crushed when no one else mentions your little one’s name in a conversation.

I don’t want other moms to ever experience the pain I have felt. It would be my heart’s prayer that no mom ever has to say goodbye to her baby, but that is not reality. This world is sinful, and this world is broken, and babies die. That sucks. That is unfair. That is just a horrible, awful part of life. It will happen again. It will happen to other moms, and there is something that these moms need to know about the months that are to follow.

I know moms who have lost their babies. I turned to those moms after I said goodbye to my Ella. I needed their help as I walked this road of grief. I remembered back to the weeks and months that followed after each of them had to say goodbye to their very own baby. Some moms I was very close to and saw an intimate view of grief, and some moms I watched from afar.

This is what I have learned from watching and talking to other moms and then trying to navigate grief myself:

There is NO right way to grieve. Some grieve openly. Some grieve privately. No one is doing it better. No one is doing it the wrong way. There is no quick way to grieve. Expect to be a different person. This new version of yourself is going to have to relearn how to live. It’s not easy, so be gentle with yourself. Give yourself time – not weeks, not months. Think much longer. You may get mad at God. You may ask why. You may yell. You may cry. You may stay in bed all day. You may hate baby showers and pregnancy announcements. You may hate yourself when you have these thoughts about others’ growing bellies or new babies. You are hurting, and grief is ugly. Someone once told me its ok to be mad at God. He’s a big guy – He can take it.

gabriella-faith
courtesy of birthblessingsphotography.com

But when you are mad at God and yelling and crying at Him, please don’t forget this:

He was with YOU the moment you learned your baby was no longer alive. He was with YOU when your heart broke into a million pieces, and He is with YOU still. So every time you feel the need to yell and scream and fall apart – it’s ok – because HE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU. Your precious baby is safe in His arms, but He is holding YOU as well.

Dear friend, if you are a mom who had to give your baby back to our Heavenly Father, my heart breaks for you right now, and my heart breaks with yours right now. If I could, I would reach through your computer screen to give you a hug and tell you that this life we live is broken and unfair, and no one should ever feel the pain that is currently engulfing your heart. Please listen to this advice that I have been given as I relearn how to live without my baby:

Find other moms who have walked the road which lies ahead of you. Please reach out to me or any other mom you know who has lost her baby. We are a community built on shared pain. We will never hold any thought, feeling, or action against you, ever. We are a safe space that has open arms of compassion to embrace your grieving soul. Another mom introduced me to an online community called Hope Mommies. Go to them. Get involved or just read their posts online. Let others help you through this valley you are walking through. You are not alone.

Dear friend, if you know a mom who is grieving, please listen to me just a little bit longer. Please show her kindness as she hurts.  Every mom grieves differently.  For this reason I can’t tell you if it is better to give her space or keep her company. You will have to ask the Lord to guide you how to best help her. So far in my short walk on this grief road, I have learned that every mom needs at least two things:

1) a community that understands what she is going through

Connect her to other moms who have lost babies.  Help her find that community.  Encourage her to reach out to that community.  

2) to know her baby has not been forgotten

When weeks turn into months and it seems the rest of the world has moved on, ask her how she is doing (really ask her), mention her baby by name, tell her you think of her sweet baby and how heaven is such a beautiful place. Tell her that you can’t wait to meet her baby when you get there.  

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Thank you my friend, for letting me share my grieving heart today. Thank you for listening. Thank you for sharing this so other moms out there know that they are not alone.

Romans 8/28

This road is treacherous. It is long, and it is lonely.  It is not a road I would have ever wanted to walk.  But as I walk THROUGH this valley of the shadow of death, I am not alone.  This I hold as truth.  This I know for certain.  I do not know what life looks like at the other end of this valley, but I believe the Bible when it says “God works all things together for good” (Romans 8:28). And so today I choose hope. 

 

 

choose hope

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The Things I Took for Granted Living in the States

10 / 2 / 1610 / 1 / 16

Yes, I used to lead a very lovely life.  I had a big house with a spacious kitchen with all new appliances that matched in color, beautiful brand new furniture (except the couches – the couches had seen better days), comfy bed, and my own walk-in-closet.  I know.  That was the DREAM.  I knew that I would have to give up most of those wonderful things I loved about my lovely life if I were to become a missionary.  The thought was daunting and a little discouraging.  I am not gonna lie; I even looked into the possibility of purchasing a Tempur-Pedic mattress in the Dominican Republic.  But the Holy Spirit is powerful (more powerful than my love of comfortable and lovely things), so I counted it all as lost and gave it all up.

 

Great is Thy Faithfulness
There are many conveniences and luxuries I had in the states that I knew were luxuries.  There were favorites that I knew I would miss once I moved to the mission field.  I knew that some days it would be very hard to not run to Starbucks for a hazelnut latte, but that would be small potatoes if I was serving my Lord.  I could do it.  I could give up these luxuries that I had grown accustomed to in the states.  (Those were things I said arrogantly with boastful pride when I really had no idea what I was getting myself into.)

coffeeThe truth is, I did give up a lot of luxuries.  Some I knew about like the microwave, dryer, dishwasher, and Starbucks, but there were so many luxuries I took for granted.  It is actually quite fascinating how life in other countries is SO different.  Let’s take water.  The subject of water in another country has so many facets that it could be its own post entirely, but let’s simply focus on water getting to my shower upstairs.

This is not the first time we have lived in a two-story house.  I would shower in an upstairs shower close to every day and never give it a second thought.  Do you know that water traveling up is against gravity?  Of course you did.  Everybody does.  So why does it surprise me that it isn’t always easy for water to get to my upstairs shower?  First of all, in the DR, we have a pump.  The pump, just as it sounds, pumps water to the tank on our roof so we can use the shower.  Then there is the water pressure.  The pressure is highest when the city turns on the water that runs to your neighborhood.  This is still hard for me to wrap my first-world-head around so I could be relaying inaccurate or incomplete information.  It boggles my mind.  Anyway, if for some reason your pump breaks (and I have learned that there are many different parts of your pump that can break) or the city hasn’t turned your section of the water on lately and your tank didn’t get the pressure to fill up, then you just can’t shower.  This process was mind-blowing and I finally asked Blake, “So how did water get to my shower when we lived in Vegas? Did we used to have a pump that I didn’t know about?”  Apparently that was a hilarious question, and the answer was: no, we did not have a pump in Las Vegas.  This was something I never had to think about – the water was always just upstairs when I needed it.  To conclude my thoughts on water and showers for today… let’s just say that dry shampoo has become my new best friend.

Something else I took for granted:  Trash pick-up.  Things that are so simple in some parts of the world just work differently other places.  Trash pick-up happens here, so thankfully we do not have to take our trash anywhere.  Huge Blessing.  I can’t even imagine transporting my trash – and the bugs that just follow trash wherever it goes.  The struggle here is there just isn’t a schedule.  So a truck could drive by twice in one week or once every other month.  Cows in the streets of the DR
You just never know.  The tricky part: you want to have your trash
out on the street so you don’t miss trash pick-up, but you also run the risk of the trash getting eaten by the dogs or cows (yes, I said cows) (yes, this makes me think twice about buying beef in the grocery store… it’s better if we just don’t think about it).  When the animals do get into your tras
h can, it leaves quite the awful mess that needs to be cleaned up the next morning.  It’s just not a fun way to start the day.

Directions.  When I would go to Spanish class, I would take a taxi home with Rachel — just the two of us.  I used to be so brave.  After our first week in the mission field, I realized the most important Spanish words I should have learned were “left” and “right” because if the taxi driver was going to see me point, I would have to obnoxiously lean over the seat and wave frantically (I would also have to know where I was going, and one thing I didn’t expect about culture shock was the feeling of always being turned around).  What also makes giving directions a little more difficult down here is there aren’t always street signs or house numbers.  So I would have to memorize simply the words “derecha” and “izquierda” in the correct order with the words “segundo” or “primer” thrown into the mix.  Thankfully, we found a taxi driver who would regularly take us home, and he learned the way to our house so I could sit back and enjoy the view.  However, we have realized that trying to order take-out (yes, it’s a thing even here) sometimes is not worth the battle of explaining where we live.

Do you know what else I used to take for granted?  God’s grace.  I mean I always knew it was huge but my brain back then didn’t quite comprehend how big His grace is in every aspect of my life.  I didn’t know how much I would rely on His grace to survive day to day on the mission field.  His grace covers my multitude of sins and flaws, and that just wasn’t very apparent when I lived my lovely life in the suburbs.  It is apparent now.  It is apparent when I have nothing to offer of my own.  It is apparent when I am able to move (twice) to a foreign country, when I don’t cry hiding in my closet every day, when I have very small victories with language or culture.  It is apparent because I am surviving and it is due solely to the grace of my God.

I am thankful that I see His grace in a completely new light, and I am ashamed it took me moving to the mission field to understand more deeply the depth of His grace.  What I understand now is that my earthly brain can’t comprehend how sufficient His grace truly is for me – for each of us.

Amazing Grace

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How Do You Serve as a Missionary Wife?

9 / 19 / 169 / 21 / 16

How do you serve as a missionary wife?  I get this question a lot or similar questions.   Questions like:  What does a missionary wife do all day anyway?  Why don’t you lead a Bible study?  How are you helping?  I try to just smile at these questions, knowing that most people don’t really understand what being a wife (and a mom) really entails on the mission field.

myalabsterflask.com
Humble yourselves… James 4:10

I also asked myself these very same questions when we were in the missionary application process.  I had lofty dreams for my service as a missionary wife.  I was going to help moms, work with the schools, make such a big difference.  It was obviously a blow to my ego when I was gently persuaded not to take an official role in the mission field and to focus on being a wife and mom instead.  Oh, how I cried at the thought of just serving as a wife and mom. “They don’t want me… I have nothing to offer.”  It took me awhile living down here to understand that wasn’t true.  It wasn’t that I wasn’t wanted or couldn’t serve others.  They just understood something I didn’t.  Missionary life isn’t easy.  Normal tasks take more time and more work than they do in the states.  I understand now that the home is where I am called to serve in the mission field, and it is where I am needed.

myalabasterflask.com
Becca, missionary mom, with her children as they receive the gifts from the Lord’s Supper

Missionary wives absolutely serve in the mission field.  Yes, they serve their husbands (and children), but they also serve in the mission work behind the scenes.  This is often a thankless and unrecognized job.  Missionary wives take care of different logistics, they host visitors, they event-plan, they take care of children (their own and often others), they contact supporters, they run the household, they serve at the church, they organize, they plan, they help, they do what is needed.

I have learned a few things being a missionary wife.  I have learned to live without certain modern conveniences. Tasks that make the household run take longer here than they do in the states and that is when everything is working properly.  Many times ovens, pumps, refrigerators, showers, and windows don’t work properly.  We lose power, appliances break, rooms flood, clothes lines fall.  I have learned to be comfortable with a different level of dirt, and I have learned that life here is different – not wrong or bad – but different.  But most importantly, I have learned that those who serve behind the scenes are extremely important.  I say this not because I think I have brought a lot to the table (this past year especially), but because I have gotten to know an incredible group of women who help run different mission fields in our region.  

Myalabsterflask.com
Proverbs 31:10
She is far more precious than jewels.

In homeschool right now we are reading through the story of Abraham.  We have learned that Abraham made a lot of mistakes in his life, but he also made some very good decisions, too.  He is the father of many nations.  God established his covenant with Abraham.  Abraham gets a lot of glory.  As we read through Abraham, I noticed Sarah.  Sarah doesn’t get a lot of glory.  Sarah is often only remembered for laughing when she was told she would have a baby at 90 years of age.  Do you know what happened right before this?  Abraham saw the visitors walking toward him.  He ran to Sarah and told her to make a lot bread for just three men.  Do you know what we don’t hear?  We don’t hear her complain, suggest an alternative, or gently argue that they could get by serving their visitors less.  We don’t hear what her response is at all.  We are left to simply assume that Sarah did as Abraham asked, and she stayed in the tent.  She served her God from behind the scenes.    

myalabsterflask.com

God doesn’t NEED any of us in the mission field.  He is extremely capable of accomplishing everything without any of us, but He chooses to use us.  He chooses to use each missionary wife to serve behind the scenes.  These women all serve in a variety of capacities.  They are rarely recognized, seldom receive breaks, and are not thanked nearly often enough for all that they do.  In fact, I am not sure that anyone truly knows how much most of these amazing women do in the mission field.  I am humbled to be their friend, to be amongst them, and to learn from them.

 

So the life of a missionary wife is not easy, is seldom boring, and is really not glamorous, but it is rewarding — rewarding even for those of us serving our families in our homes and behind the scenes.

 

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My Playlist

9 / 17 / 16

here is what has been on repeat around my house…

"Just be Held" by Casting Crowns
“Just be Held” by Casting Crowns
"Clean" by Natalie Grant
“Clean” by Natalie Grant
In the Secret of His Presence Hymn
In the Secret of His Presence Hymn
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