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The Makers

2 / 1 / 202 / 1 / 20

My lettering journey began shortly after we moved to the Dominican Republic.  I was looking for a new way to share Bible verses in our newsletters that we send out to our supporters.  This new hobby soon was an appreciated escape from the burdens and woes of culture shock, homesickness, and all the other hurdles I faced as I learned how to live in another country.   But my lettering journey really began that first Mother’s Day after we lost our third baby, Gabriella Faith.

Four days after we had to say bitter goodbyes, my sweet husband handed me a new iPad pro and Apple pencil on that very painful Sunday. It was then that I dove headfirst into the world of lettering.  Deep in the folds of grief, while the world continued to swirl around me, I found peace and comfort in creating. I didn’t understand the why behind it, and at the time it didn’t matter, I just knew that lettering was a balm to my aching soul.  

 Later that fall I opened my Etsy shop and sold my first piece.  Since then I have improved my lettering skills, made almost 300 sales, and have taught lettering classes.  But even four and a half years into this lettering journey, I am still caught off guard when someone refers to me as an artist.  It makes me laugh because I have never identified myself as an artist.

For me, lettering has never been about the finished piece of art.  I am truly humbled that there are people out there who find my art, relate to it, and want to hang it on their walls.  I am grateful that my lettering pieces bring joy and smiles to those who receive them. But for me it was never about the final product.  It has always been about the process.  

When song lyrics, a Bible verse, or a prayer hold onto my heart in a way that words cannot describe, that is when I create.  I narrow down the exact words I want in my piece, I play with different layouts and style options. I sketch out a rough draft, and then, slowly, piece by piece, I put it all together. It is in the creating that brings peace to my troubled heart.  It is in watching a design come to life on a page that brings joy to my spirit.  

After I joined this unofficial small business community, I learned of so many mothers just like myself who began creating and opened a shop after experiencing deep loss and heartache.  And I began to ponder why. Why does creating bring comfort? Are we trying to fill our empty time with purpose? Are we trying to give the hands that were preparing to hold a baby something to do? Are we finding a calm in the creating?  Whatever the reason behind it, I firmly believe that the art of creating brings healing to weary souls.

Psalm 119:28

Yes, I am a creator.  I am an artist. I am a maker.  

But, I would argue, so are you.  We were all created in the image of our Heavenly Father, in the image of the Ultimate Creator.  We are makers because He is a maker. Not only did He intricately create each one of us, He created the stars, the mountains, drops of dew on the petals of the daisy, and each grain of sand the ocean touches.  He continues to create new life, sunsets, rainbows, and blooming flowers daily. Our Heavenly Father is a maker and created us makers in His image.  

Psalm 92:4

When I see someone who has perfectly folded clothes in a drawer, a color-coded schedule, delicious cookies fresh from the oven, an intricate excel spreadsheet, a thought-out strategic plan, or someone who has  designed a well-running machine, I see an artist. I see a maker, and I see a child of God made in the image of the Almighty Maker. Our God created the world in seven days, He created the central nervous system, time, lifecycles, thunderstorms, and the rainforest.  He created order; He created schedule; He created working parts that fit beautifully together. We are all creators just like Him.  

Matthew 11:28

I suppose that is why it is so healing to take time to create when our hearts are heavy laden.  We were created to create. We are makers, however that might look according to the talents He has given each of us.  Creating heals gaping wounds. That is true whether we use a paint brush, an oven, a piano, or a computer. 

I found solace in lettering.  I found comfort in watercolors.  I found peace in the paintbrush. After I lost my baby and I felt as if my world was falling apart, art was my stillness.  My lettering was part of the beauty from ashes that God gifted in a time of grief.

Isaiah 61:3
with Christel Neuendorf in Puerto Rico

This past November I traveled to Puerto Rico to work with one of our fellow missionaries serving in the city of Ponce.  Christel and I have been friends since I first visited the Dominican Republic the year before we moved. She has also been supportive of my lettering journey and Etsy shop every step of the way.  She asked if I would be able to visit Puerto Rico and teach lettering classes to different members of the community.

Puerto Rico was hit by Hurricane Maria in September of 2017.  The damage was devastating and extensive. Even after two years, people and communities are still trying to rebuild and heal.  Christel works alongside fellow missionaries in Ponce and a nearby city of Mayaguez to bring comfort and God’s Word to a hurting community.  Bringing me to the island was part of Christel’s ongoing plan to help those who are suffering process their pain through art and God’s Word. 

While there I led four different workshops.  I met new friends and shared my love of lettering.  I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. We may not have spoken the same language. We may have been raised in different cultures, and our scars may have come from different types of trauma, but what binds us together far exceeds all of our differences. We are makers.  We were created in the image of our Father in heaven. Together we created. That room held wounded and weary souls, but in that room there was art, there was the Word of the Lord, and there was joy. 

______

I had every intention of sharing this beautiful story of my lettering journey and trip to Puerto Rico with you, my friend, and ending it in that room where we created pieces of art, but then January seventh happened, and Puerto Rico experienced an earthquake with a magnitude of 6.4.  In fact, Puerto Rico continues to experience earthquakes, and no one can say when the earthquakes will cease. A community still trying to rebuild and heal from the hurricane has been shaken. Buildings have been destroyed, and hope seems lost.  

My heart is broken for this incredible country and these beautiful souls.  My days are constantly filled with prayers for the people who have been without a safe shelter since the earthquakes first began, for those filled with anxiety when the ground begins to shake again, and for our missionaries, like Christel, who are tirelessly sharing the love of Jesus and the hope given through Him when the world around is falling apart. All I can do is pray.  So I pray, and I create. I create when I don’t know what else to do with the heaviness I feel.  

I have been in contact with Christel these past weeks and sent a few pieces to her that she requested to use with those who have been displaced from their homes and are currently living in tent cities.  Coffee, art, and Bible study are what people in shelters are asking for from our missionaries. Coffee and art are bringing them to the table. While they sit and create together, they also get to hear they are loved by God Almighty and of the eternal hope in Jesus Christ. 

The residents from this facility where we held our lettering and paint afternoon have been evacuated and their building is condemned.

Other church groups have reached out, and I helped Christel come up with art projects. Groups are purchasing supplies and prepping materials to create bags that will be ready for Christel to lead projects with those who need to create with their hands to heal their heart.  Our missionaries from across our region have gone to Puerto Rico in the weeks following the first large earthquake. They have assessed damage, created plans, comforted hurting hearts, and shared the love of Jesus to those whose burden is heavy. (Matthew 11:30)

If I have learned anything about the road of grief and healing, it is that it is long and winding.  The future in Puerto Rico feels overwhelming and uncertain. The recovery efforts have just begun to unfold, and no one can say quite where the future is headed right now.  

  • William and Gustavo checking on a neighborhood after the earthquakes.
  • Blake surveying the damage at our church in Ponce.
  • Christel and fellow missionary Stephanie leading art for those living in tents on the side of the road.
Photo credit: Johanna Heidorn

The truth is, we already knew that in this world we will have trouble. Our souls will always be weary while on this earth because we are sojourners.  Our home, our hope, our firm foundation is secured in heaven. We can hold onto this truth because we know we are loved and forgiven by a Savior, because we were created by a merciful God who delights in us.  And until we find rest in His eternal presence, we will continue to hurt, we will continue to be shaken, we will continue to face storm after storm, and we will continue to create. Because we are the makers, just like our Father in heaven. 

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My favorite Lettering Supplies

9 / 26 / 19

Everything you need to letter along with me:

Here are all the details about the supplies I will be using in my upcoming YouTube series for beginning lettering. These are also great lettering supplies if you are serious about lettering or just looking for a relaxing hobby. Please let me know if you have any questions; I am happy to answer them. Make sure you follow me on social media to get updates on when my YouTube series drops and for other fun lettering tips and news.

CRAYOLA MARKERS

These might be my favorite lettering tool because they are not a large investment; you can use them on any type of paper; they are child friendly; AND you probably already have some laying around the house. I love this pack of 40 colors but any pack you find or have will work for our class. This is the only supply (and access to a printer) you will need for the first two lessons. Click here to shop on amazon.

COLORED PENCILS

I will be using the Sargent colored pencils and metallic colored pencils that came in this set, but any colored pencils you have will be fine. I usually only letter with colored pencils when I am on the go because they are travel friendly. I mostly use colored pencils to color in and accent my lettering pieces. That is what we will be doing in our lettering pieces together. Click here to shop on amazon.

Tombow Fudenosuke Brush Pen

It is no secret how much I love all things Tombow. That is Their Fudenosuke or “Fude” brush pens is one of my most favorite products. This is a smaller pen than their dual brush pen, and in my opinion, easier for beginners. There is a hard and soft fude and both come in this package. Try out both and find your preference. I like both and don’t have a favorite, but some people do feel strongly one way or the other. Click here to shop on amazon.

Tombow Dual Brush Pen

Here is a beautiful color combo set of Tombow Dual Brush Pens. This is the set I will be lettering with in the YouTube videos, but any color combinations will work. Tombow markers are amazing because of their capability to blend, and we will be playing with their water color capabilities. Some other time I hope to review different brush pens and compare them for you, but for now these are my top recommendation if you want to begin lettering with brush pens. Click here to shop on amazon.

Tombow Advanced Lettering Set

The Advanced Lettering Set is a fantastic beginner set if you are making your first Tombow purchase. This set includes the Tombow fude pens and enough dual tip pens that you could get by just getting this set. It also includes their awesome mono eraser, mono drawing pen, and mono drawing pencil. Click here to shop on amazon.

Tombow Water Brush Set

I will be using the Tombow water brush while we dive into watercoloring with Tombow markers. They are a newer Tombow product and I am having so much fun experimenting with them. I think they are fantastic if you want to continue with Tombow and watercolor, but for this lesson all you really need is any fine point paint brush. Click here to shop on amazon.

Canon Marker Paper

This is important! Don’t overlook this: Not all paper is created equal! Especially when you are using your Tombow markers or other brush pens. Smooth surface art paper such as marker paper, vellum, smooth mixed media paper, or HP Premium32 laserjet paper will preserve the life of your Tombow brush pens. If you use them on regular copy paper or other paper the tips will fray and you will be sad. This Canon Marker Paper is one of my favorite for practicing with my dual pens. Click here to shop on amazon.

Strathmore Watercolor Paper

When we dabble with tombow markers and watercolor we will need water color paper for the best results. I love this pack from Strathmore because it is precut into 5×7 pieces and perfect for framing to give away. Anything that saves me some time is a winner in my book. If you want to practice on a larger watercolor page or cut your own, that is ok, too. Click here to shop on amazon.

Light Box

A light box is totally optional. If you are going to be tracing onto a blank piece of paper then a light box will be very helpful. I also use my light box when I am tracing my designs onto t-shirts. I love this light box because it is super thin and portable. Click here to shop on amazon.

This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase something through the link, I may receive a commission at no extra charge to you. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. This allows me the opportunity to provide more giveaways and freebies for you. Thank you for supporting this blog.

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The Missionary Left Behind

9 / 13 / 199 / 14 / 19

This missionary world is made up of very different, usually odd (I can say that because I am one of them), individuals and families who have been brought together by the Lord to serve His people in different parts of the world. These brothers and sisters aren’t always the friends I would have chosen for myself, and sometimes personality conflicts exist. But nevertheless we are all thrown together, and we call it family. We become a family because this group of people we serve with understands our life in a way that no friend or family member back home ever could. They are family because they have been through the similar struggles and triumphs of leaving loved ones, adjusting to culture, and experiencing trauma we can’t always write home about. So this group of odd individuals–odd because normal people don’t give up everything and live outside their comfort zone to tell the world about Jesus–is now our family, our missionary family.

This new family we have acquired is like every other family. Some members struggle to get along. Others love to be together. Some cause drama, and some keep to themselves. It is a large, messy family. Some of our family live close by and will be there when we need them to bring meals, take us to the doctor, babysit, and help in times of crisis. Some family members live half a world away, and we see them once or maybe twice a year. We love catching up with them, and our time together always goes too fast. Phone calls, messages, and video chats hold us over until the next time we get to be together. This is a family. This is our missionary family. 

But this missionary family is not like every other family. It is fluid. It existed before us, and it will exist after us. We are everything to these brothers and sisters–until we are not. There will come a day when our favorite sister or brother will leave the field. They will not be missionaries forever, and in reality, neither will we. We may be a part of this family for a year, three years, ten years, or more than twenty. We have seen family members come and go. And during the time they are our family, we will drop everything to help them out, to support them, to love them, and to care for them. They need us to survive, and we need them just as much. And then they will be gone. And our family dynamics will change once again. 

We live in this fluid family as our greatest weaknesses are exposed through culture shock and language learning. This family sees us at our very worst. They care for us when we are too sick to get out of bed. They sit by our hospital bed and help us translate devastating test results. They see us at our lowest moments and love us all the same.  And yet, we don’t always let them in.  

It is hard to build trust and transparency in this family.  We are all well aware that this family isn’t forever, and our hearts are already fractured from saying so many goodbyes in our home country. Is it possible to get close to new family members if we know more goodbyes are coming?  So we do what we can to protect ourselves. We don’t always let them in and probably not when we really should. We don’t let them in because we know the day is coming when another missionary will announce the decision to return home.

It only took about six months after we entered this family to come to this realization. The culture shock was wearing off, and we had said our first goodbye to a missionary family member. We felt the thoughts of sadness but noticed other missionaries experiencing emotions far more complicated and laced with anger. How could they be angry? If God has called every missionary to the mission field, then by that same reasoning, can’t He call them away? Shouldn’t we rejoice equally with each call from our Father?  

Years later, we get it. We are now the missionaries with the complicated emotions laced with anger.  The mission field has bruised us. We have been beaten down. Our hands and our hearts have callouses from the work we have been sent to do. The labor is tough. We have had more failures than triumphs, and we are tired. Oh, how we are tired! We know it’s coming. It happens about every six months. We don’t look forward to it. But we know it is coming because that has been the pattern since we entered this family: another goodbye is just around the corner.  

We spend all year working, toiling a ground that is hard and unforgiving. We go through challenges that are unimaginable and feel insurmountable. Our family loves us and cares for us the best they can, but it often feels as if it isn’t enough. And just the same, we love and care for our mission family that is made up of so many different people, each struggling with enormous challenges, each being spiritually attacked in different ways, each facing their own fears and weaknesses, each being beaten down by the logistical challenges of living in a foreign country, each dealing with health concerns big or small. We care for them as best we can, but we know it is often not enough. The mission family has a lot of members to care for each other but at the same time a lot of members need care. The scale is often tipped too far in the unfavorable direction. 

So we get it. We understand when it comes. We are no longer naïve and wearing rose-colored glasses in this missionary life. Our hearts grieve, and our feelings aren’t always supportive. But they are real, and they are honest. We aren’t always as supportive as we should be because it hurts to lose a family member. We go through this process each time. Sometimes some stages are stronger than others. But we still feel them.  

Here is what I have come to know as the ten stages of grief when losing a missionary:  

1.    Sadness – I like this family member. We had great times together. We were there for each other through struggles and hard times. We laughed together. We cried together. We made memories. Missionary life will be different without them.

2.    Happiness – I know this is something they want. Life has been hard and unfair. They have been beaten down. They haven’t had the help and care they needed. They could use rest. They need to feel safe again. They need to be closer to their family. They have been presented with an opportunity that will give them all these things, and I want them to be happy.  

3.    Jealousy – It’s not us, and we are tired, too. I, too, want rest and recovery and to feel safe. I am struggling. My family is struggling. Our struggles seem just as big if not bigger. Why hasn’t God brought us a new path? Why can’t we live closer to our family and friends? I want help. I want to live closer to the things that are familiar. I want to be able to breathe again.  

4.    Guilt – for the jealousy. I shouldn’t feel jealous. I should trust God’s plan for us. I should trust His timing for our family. I should know that He has a reason for keeping us where we are right now. 

5.    Pride – It wasn’t me. It wasn’t my family. We are still here. We weren’t the next ones to leave. Oh, how there were days when I thought it would be us. I haven’t given up yet. I didn’t throw in the towel. We survived another six months, and we weren’t the next one to say goodbye to the family. We didn’t call it quits. Way to go us!  (Guilt with this one too – because I shouldn’t rejoice or pat ourselves on the back when someone else leaves.)

6.    Frustration – The needs of these missionaries didn’t get met. They were struggling. Life was hard. Couldn’t there have been something done to give them more help and support? Couldn’t there have been something done to keep them on the field longer?

7.    Judgment — Why couldn’t they have tried harder to stick it out? Don’t they know how much work there is left to do? Couldn’t they have made it longer? Don’t they know how others have survived in worse conditions?  (I can’t believe how ugly my thoughts can be at times!)

8.    Anger – There is still work to do. The work left undone, and the extra work that is involved in helping move a family home will be placed on the already heavy loads of the remaining missionaries. They can’t take on more work. They are already buckling under the loads they are currently carrying. We all are.  

9.    Defeat – It will take about two years to replace them–at least! I will have to get to know new family members. Maybe I won’t get along with them. The work will not continue, or others will carry the workload for two years until replacements can be found.  Will they be able to do that? Will it be too much for them?

10.  Hopelessness – The system is broken, and the cycle doesn’t seem to end.  It takes two years to bring a missionary to the field, two years for a missionary to learn language, culture, and become effective, and on average, a missionary leaves one year after that. There has to be a better way. There must be something that can be done.  The problem is so far beyond one person. So far beyond us. It all feels hopeless. 

What was it? What was the real reason they left? Would they ever be able to tell anyone? What could have been done to keep them longer? This has been a question I have wondered since we got here. I have tried so hard to search for this answer.  I want so badly to fix this cycle because it will be us someday. I am often surprised it hasn’t been us yet. I don’t want to leave before God is done using us here. If God calls missionaries to the field, doesn’t He also call them back home when He is ready? Why am I so quick to assume that those who have left are leaving early or before God is calling them home? Is it because the harvest is plentiful and the workers are few?  And no one feels that more than the missionary left behind, living half a world away from their comfort zone.

I don’t know the reason. But I imagine it is always very complicated. I imagine each missionary may even have trouble putting into words what could have made them stay longer. It may be vastly different for each missionary. So how do we, the church, keep missionaries on the field longer? Should we no longer expect missionaries to stay on the field as long as they did in previous generations? Do we embrace this as the new normal for a missionary term of service? And if that is true, then how do we replace missionaries faster?  

I don’t know what it is like to leave the mission field. I don’t know if we will be consumed with feelings of guilt and shame or feelings of relief and thankfulness. I don’t know if it feels like completing a job well done or feels like I just couldn’t take another step. I don’t know what it is like to leave the mission field, but one day I will. One day it will be us. We will be the ones leaving the family, the family that we love and care for so deeply, and they will be the ones left feeling abandoned, empathetic, devastated, and overwhelmed.  I hope we leave because God has set a new path before our family that He wants us to take and not because life became too hard and we could no longer continue.   

I don’t know what it is like to leave the field. But someday I will. It may be in a week, a year, or maybe ten years. 

I imagine leaving the mission field will be like crawling into my own bed after a long tiring day–exhausted, bruised, beaten down, in need of rest and recovery. It will be like crawling into a space that is safe and familiar, but then at the same time, we will be different. We will be changed. And our bed probably won’t fit quite as we remember.  

There are no profound conclusions here. Just questions, thoughts, and jumbled emotions. Mission work is messy. There are more problems than answers and more challenges than triumphs.  

This work and this life belong to God and are in His mighty and capable hands. My prayer is that the Lord will continue to be with those He has called to the mission field and that He will give them the grit to survive the impossible trials, surmount the insurmountable circumstances, and conquer the unconquerable challenges. I pray that our family members find a friend on the days where isolation grips their soul, they find comfort when their heart has been devastated, they find strength when their cup has been emptied, and they find hope when there doesn’t seem to be a way to journey onward. And, I plead with God to give our brothers and sisters all laboring in foreign countries the stamina that they will need to get up day after day, to continue on despite criticism from others, to fight the good fight, to run the race even while feeling weary and heavy-laden. 

My prayer is that missionaries do not give up but only leave when God has truly called them home to do His work elsewhere. And that the rest of us left behind would rejoice with them as they continue on their new journey.  

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Four Years

7 / 30 / 197 / 31 / 19

It has been four years since we stepped onto Dominican soil as missionaries.  Some days it has felt like time was flying, and other days seemed like the hours would never end.  We have seen, done, experienced, and felt SO MUCH. Four years is a significant amount of time, and then again, it is just a blink. This house is now the house that Blake and I have lived in the longest since we have been married.  When we look back on our four years, we see an incredible journey.

We had two babies.

We said goodbye to the first, who waits for us in heaven.

The second one we get to hold in our arms.

We voted in one U.S. presidential election online.

We streamed two LCMS conventions.

We celebrated the second Dominican pastor being installed.

We have rid our house of three rats.  

We have had one car accident, two medical evacuations back to the U.S., one Emergency Room visit, and one broken arm.  

We have helped build one church, move a second, and open a third.

We have welcomed twenty-five new missionary family units who have joined our region.

We have watched twenty leave.

Blake has traveled to eleven countries.

I started a blog and an etsy store.

Abby began piano lessons.

Rachel has now lived more than half her life here. 

We prepared for three hurricanes.

We have felt four earthquakes.

We saw the opening of the seminary and mercy center in the DR, and this past May, we attended its first graduation.

We’ve missed weddings, funerals, holidays, and births.

We’ve witnessed new church member confirmations, baptisms, and ordinations.

We’ve had challenges and successes, ups and downs, good times and bad. We are different people than those four who stepped off that flight in 2015. We have lost innocence and gained insight.  We have learned so much, come so far, and yet the farther we come, the more we feel ill-equipped for this life, the more we realize how much we still have to learn.  This life is hard, harder than we ever imagined or we could ever honestly tell you. We have failed, and we have succeeded. Life has not gone as we expected or planned, but after four years, we are still here.  That is an accomplishment.

So after four years of living in a different country, serving the Lord as missionaries, here are my thoughts on this journey: 

Language

We have made great strides in our last four years.  Our language, although not where we thought it would be, is still better than it was when we first arrived.  That is true of all four of us. It is hard to come to grips with unmet expectations that we set upon ourselves. We didn’t understand learning Spanish would be as difficult as it has been.  So in many ways we feel behind with our language learning—and we are, each of us for different reasons. But even though it is easy for us to get discouraged, it is important that we keep pushing forward.  We have made progress, and we will continue to make progress.

Food

Our tastes have changed. We have adapted to the different foods offered in the Dominican. Rice, beans, and chicken are staples in our diet.  We have learned about new foods and recipes. We love some of the different fruits and veggies that grow on our island, and there are others that are not our favorites.  We also miss foods that we aren’t able to find in the DR. Mexican food, berries, and salads are all foods we can’t wait to eat whenever we visit the U.S. I cook more now than I ever have.  My culinary expertise has been stretched. I now have signature dishes I bring to large gathering events (thank you, Mom, for your mashed potato recipe). I am comfortable hosting dinner, and I have learned how to get by with a lot less. 

Friends

We have had many individuals sit down at our dining room table for dinner.  This is one of my favorite parts of mission life—getting to know the different people that God has brought into our lives.  We have hosted guests for overnight stays and prepared dinners for groups as large as sixteen. We have made friends from all over the world.  Our community has grown exponentially. It has been wonderful to get to know so many members of the body of Christ and hear their stories. One of my biggest regrets is not having a guest book to record all the souls that God has brought through our front door. 

Crosses

We began a cross wall when we first moved into our new house with a cross that was donated to a group of missionaries.  I can’t remember if after that it was our goal to start a collection, or it just happened. But once our cross wall began, it has been an exciting family activity to watch it grow. Each cross has a story behind it.  They have either been gifted to us or Blake has picked them up on one of his trips. It is a beautiful assortment of the diverse styles of culture and art that we have encountered on this journey.

Adventures

We have seen so many sights, set foot in so many new places, and been on so many adventures that we would not have had the privilege of doing if we were not missionaries.  The island we live on is a beautiful great backyard to explore. Beach days are our favorite for fun and relaxation. They are even better with friends. We also love day or weekend trips to the mountains.  We have swum with dolphins, gone whale watching, taken a cable car to the highest point in the Caribbean, and hiked to waterfalls. I had the joy of accompanying Blake on one of his trips to Spain, and then we took a few days to also explore Portugal.  We still have the dream of all taking a trip as a family to another country with Blake to see the work God is doing in other places in Latin America.  

Esta Es Mi Iglesia

This is my church!  We have three church plants in our city that we have attended over the years.  While we sometimes long to hear hymns sung in our own language, we have grown to love the liturgy in Spanish.  The Kyrie has never sounded more beautiful and was one of the first songs the girls picked up after we first arrived.  Rachel attends Sunday School, and Abby attends confirmation class. Abby also plays piano for part of the service on occasional Sundays.  Our church has celebrated new members, baptisms, and weddings. We will often have potluck lunches after church where the adults will chat and the children will play.  The body of Christ in some ways looks different in other parts of the world, but in so many more ways, it looks very much the same. What a sweet comfort it is to know that we are still part of the same body no matter how far we are from the familiarity of the church pew we grew up in.  This is my church, and it brings me great joy!

Holidays

Holidays have a different feel in a different country.  This is partly because the weather is different than what we associate with the holiday and partly because traditions are different.  We focus on the traditions of the culture we grew up with that we want to pass down to our children and embrace new traditions that we want to remember for years to come.  Holidays can bring feelings of homesickness on more intense levels. Celebrating holidays in a different country has made us really evaluate what each holiday is truly about. And even though we greatly miss some of the fun and sentiment, it isn’t about the gifts, the parties, the food, or the plastic eggs.  This journey has re-centered our focus on Jesus. His birth, His death, the life we have because of Him are the reasons we celebrate.

School

I never imagined myself as a homeschool mom.  It is not even what we set out to do on this journey, but it became the best option for our family.  I couldn’t love it more. I love planning the different subjects we will cover and learn together. I love watching both my girls grasp and master new concepts, ideas, and skills.  I love having them with me all day. This also gives our family more flexibility to participate in projects and events that come up in our mission work. My favorite part of homeschool is that is focuses on the family unit over the individual child.   We all work together to accomplish our work, and that is true of schoolwork, mission work, and housework. If one child has a project that needs extra time, others pick up household chores. If someone needs more of my time to understand a new subject, the other sister will work independently or watch the little one.  If we have guests coming over for dinner, we break from school and prepare food and the home. We work together, and everyone gets their needs fulfilled and their tasks accomplished. Our day is never “me” focused but rather us focused.

Home

We are still living in the same bright yellow house we moved into on day one.  The house has been good to us, and we have come to live with or embrace all of its quirks.  We know that when we have heavy rains, the windows will leak, and we have towels always on hand to place in the appropriate places.  We have flashlights ready for power outages. We have learned where water shut-off switches are located. We have filled gas tanks. We have fixed faucets.  We have replaced the battery backup. The house has been good to us but at the same time we have come to understand one very important rule: something will always be broken.  And once you fix that broken thing (whatever it may be), something new will break. So often if it is something you can live with like a faucet that drips or a doorbell that only rings half the time, you leave it alone because the next thing that breaks could be much worse. 

Changes

We have seen many changes in the Dominican Republic over the last four years.  We have seen a new president take office and put a lot of money and resources into education, highways, and disaster preparedness.  We have seen a new mayor of Santiago step in and focus on cleaning up our city. We have new parks, new cultural attractions, and walking trails.  We now have ambulances and a 9-1-1 system. There are now lines drawn on the roads to create lanes and seatbelt laws. Roads have been paved and our commute to many of our mission sites has been cut in half.  It has been exciting to watch and be a part of the changes happening around us.

Cultural Insights

We have all had a different journey as we have experienced cultural adaptation.  We will never be done learning or adapting to a new culture. We will also always be outsiders.  It has been a valuable experience to live as a minority in a culture. We have taken a hard look at a lot of our beliefs and prejudices that we didn’t even realize we had.  We know what it is like to be the only white people in the room. It is uncomfortable and often puts us on edge, but we are fortunate that we moved to a country that respects Americans and American culture. This is not the case in many parts of the world. 

Expectations

One of the biggest challenges we have faced (and I believe this to be true for all missionaries) is coming to grips with unmet expectations.  Missionaries have expectations of this new life, of fellow missionaries, and of themselves. Most unmet expectations are because there is no way for anyone to truly understand the life of a missionary before deploying. Expectations were unrealistic—and that is often a difficult realization to accept. Church workers are human, are often trying to do the work of many, and will fall short.  We’ve been disheartened, we’ve disappointed others, and we’ve let ourselves down. We expected more of ourselves. We had hoped to learn the language faster, we wanted to adapt better, and we didn’t expect it to take so long to become effective in our work. On top of our unmet expectations, life has been rough, and it is often easy to believe this just isn’t working. Often we fight hard against this feeling.   

Accomplishments

We have each made strides and overcome challenges while living in a foreign country.  Sometimes these accomplishments seem small and insignificant. A simple conversation in Spanish, calling the colmado (local market) and ordering water, attending classes in Spanish and (actually!) understanding what is being taught—all small victories are worth noting and celebrating.  But even more important and exciting are the accomplishments we have witnessed and played a small part in across the mission field while we have been here. The most notable is the opening of the seminary in the Dominican Republic and the first graduation of eight men from four different countries. We can’t take credit for these accomplishments.  They are all the work of the Holy Spirit, but it is a joy and blessing to be able to witness His magnificent work, whether it be the opening of a new church building or the confirmation of a new member.

So what is next for our family?  

We will continue to serve the Lord in the Dominican Republic until He calls us elsewhere.  Sometimes we wish that day would come tomorrow, and sometimes we have dreams and glimpses of what life may be like if we were to continue here for many years.   Only He knows how and when this chapter will end. In the meantime, Blake will continue his work as the regional business manager. We will continue to learn both inside our home and outside in our culture.  We will continue to have failures and successes. We will continue to walk, crawl, or sometimes lie exhausted on the road while someone else drags us along on this journey. No matter how painful or discouraging the bumps and bruises may be, we take comfort in knowing that we are always safe in His hands and covered by His grace.

Thank you always for your support and love along the way. 

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A LETTER TO MYSELF

6 / 8 / 199 / 5 / 19

When I Was The New Mom

I recently read an article that a friend of mine had contributed to where mothers had written letters to their twenty-year-old selves, giving advice about motherhood.  It made me reflect on my own journey of motherhood. What would I say to myself ten years ago?

My knees creak when I walk down the stairs.  I have more gray hairs every time I look in the mirror.  And it takes me a lot longer to get myself up off the floor than it used to. I am no spring chicken. I have been plugging away at this motherhood gig for over ten years now.  I have birthed babies a whole decade a part, and I have learned that there is still so much I don’t know. But if I could go back and bump into my pregnant self over ten years ago at a Delaware coffee shop, this is what I would say:

Fail gracefully. – You will find time and time again that this motherhood gig is full of choices and decisions and often you will choose wrong.  You will fail. It is inevitable. But how you fail is what matters. Own up to your mistakes. Apologize when necessary. Admit your human flaws and sinful nature.  Your children will learn far more from how they see you pick yourself up off the floor than from all the times you succeeded. Fail and get back up with grace.

Forgive yourself. – Do this often.  Remember you are going to fail a bunch.  So it is also important to remember to forgive yourself.  Mom-guilt is a thing, and it can steal the joy from your mothering if you give it the chance.  Fight that. Don’t let mom-guilt steal your joy. Make the mistakes, confess your sins, forgive yourself, and count it all joy.

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”  James 1:2-4

 Find your village. – Don’t try to do this alone.  You will need role models of mothers who have completed the mothering stage you are in.  Your children need other grownups in their lives to love them and cheer for them. You need other parents to kid-swap with you so you can have date nights.  You need someone to bring you some dark chocolate after a day of potty-training. You need to meet up at a park and let your kids play so you can have a bit of adult conversation.  You need your village to step in during the hard times and hold you up when life gets really hard.

Listen to the wise women. – The mentors God has placed in your life have so much wisdom to give.  Yes, they raised babies back in the olden times without iPads and vLogs, but they still know so much.  They are the best encouragers and listeners. They have lived through motherhood. They are the survivors of motherhood, and they know how to guide those of us in the trenches.  Listen to their wisdom.

Love your husband. – The best advice I received from one of those wise mentors in my village was to work on my marriage.  Put your husband first. Your children will benefit many times over from growing up in a house where they witness their parents in a loving, healthy marriage–so much more than they would benefit if you put their needs first.  They NEED to see a marriage survive in a cruel world. They need to see examples of how a husband and wife treat and respect each other on a daily basis. They need the emotional support your healthy marriage will give them when they are struggling.  Put your marriage first.

You are not responsible for your child’s happiness. – You canNOT own their feelings. They will experience all the feelings, and that is a good thing.  They need to learn how to handle these emotions while they are safely under your care. Let them be bored, let them be sad, let them be all of it. Help them process their emotions and teach them how to act appropriately while feeling these emotions, but do not try to change their emotions.  Do not feel guilty when they are sad or bored or struggling. They will experience all these big emotions as an adult. Prepare them for life by letting them live through these emotions when they are small.

 Read your Bible. – Set aside time to read your Bible every day, even when they are little–no, especially when they are little!  You need this. God’s Word will bring comfort and healing. Keep it close! Put it on your dinner table, and let it be present always.  Open it after dinner and read together as a family. Let your children grow up seeing you read your Bible. Let them see you put God’s Word before their wants.  I know it is hard to find the time. But I promise you, this is more important than clean floors and losing baby weight.

Let them fail. – This is a tough one.  This one will break your mama heart, but it is oh so important for your children.  They need to fail. They need to know they are human. They need to learn how to handle and grow from their failure.  They need to learn this while they are little and still under your roof so when they are an adult they handle this with maturity. Let the forgotten homework result in a zero, don’t go back to get their lunch box, let them take the consequences for their actions, and love them through their failures.  Teach them that their worth has NOTHING to do with their accomplishments. Love them all the same no matter the grade, no matter the goals scored, no matter the games won. Let your love for them reflect the Heavenly Father’s love for them. They do not have to earn it in any way. Work at making sure they understand this.  Let them fail.

Honor the body that carried your babies and don’t let your daughters see you hate it. –  Your body has done amazing and glorious things. It has grown and birthed humans! Your body has fed and nurtured your babies through the first years of their lives. God created your body!  It won’t look like it used to before it made the tiny people. That is ok. That is how it is supposed to look. I know it is hard to accept change and you liked your body more before it was squishier and had all these new lines that won’t fade. BUT when you verbalize those feelings, your daughters are watching.  Don’t let them hear you are fat. Don’t model a negative body image for them. Break the cycle that runs rampant in our culture. Teach them about being healthy and living a healthy lifestyle. But don’t hate the body that brought them into the world. Don’t teach them that looks are more important than what is in the heart.

Find perspective and try not to make mountains out of molehills. – The parenting stage you are currently struggling with may seem like the most important days of your child’s life, but I promise you, they (and you) will survive this difficult season.  You will face other more important and difficult challenges together. So whatever season you are trying to conquer, just know that it is not as big of a deal as it feels in the moment. No child goes off to college still in diapers. They will eventually sleep through the night in their own bed, master reading, survive their first crush, and learn about the birds and the bees.  You will all survive. It is ok if they master this development a little later than others–there will be something else they master first. Don’t stress about it.

Consider the advice, and then figure out what works for your family. –  There are a lot of suggested ways to raise and parent children out there, and you will encounter some very STRONG opinions over the years.  And to be honest, so much of it will be conflicting. So you cannot possibly listen to it all. Take in what you feel is right and best for your family.  And in the end, if it works for your family, then that is the best way to raise your children. Don’t let the LOUD opinions out there steer you off course or make you doubt what you have chosen.  Listen to your gut.

 Acknowledge your strengths and accept your own weaknesses. – Do not compete with other moms.  You will lose. There will always be another mom out there who throws a better birthday party, bakes a better cake, cooks a healthier dinner, and seems to do it all.  The truth is, they are failing in areas you can’t see. There will be parts of this motherhood journey that you will ROCK and others that you just can’t master. That is ok. We all have different gifts.  Celebrate them, and don’t compete with other moms to be the best in anything. Social media can be a great tool, and it can also be an abyss of self-loathing. Don’t try to do it all. Your children will be just fine.  If they are loved, then it will not matter if their birthday parties are over the top, their lunches are organic, their bedroom is color-coordinated, or their Halloween costumes are homemade.

Parent for the End Goal – Even if you are holding a baby in your arms right now, look years into the future and take a moment and figure out what you want that little baby to look like when they walk out of your house as an adult.  Write it down. I want to raise a child to be kind, polite, and considerate. I want my children to love their Maker, to know their Bible, to put others above themselves. I hope they are brave when life is scary. I hope they work hard and give everything they do their best effort.  I hope they use their lives that God has given them to serve Him. Once I figured out my goals for my children, it helped me focus my time parenting the skills that really mattered to me. Being highly educated or on the swim team weren’t goals I had for them, so why was I spending so many nights battling tears trying to achieve milestones on a timeline that really didn’t matter in the end? Parenting my littles with the end goal in mind has forced me to focus on what really matters to me and reminds me to help them to grow into the adults I pray they become.

There will come a day when you are no longer a new mom.  You won’t necessarily feel any wiser because there are still plenty of motherhood milestones ahead of you.  You will have no idea how to conquer any of them. But then again, you have weathered many motherhood storms, and those tiny people haven’t beaten you down yet.   There will come a day when a new mom will come to you and unload all her mothering woes over a cup of coffee. Here is how to respond: don’t give her any advice at all.  Let her complain, cry, question, vent, and get it all off her chest. Smile at her. Give her a tissue. Give her a hug. Let her know that she is doing a great job. Let her know that this season of struggles will pass.  And let her know that you have been there, too.

You have learned so much as a mom. And one of the most important lessons of all is that other moms don’t need your advice; they need your encouragement.  Give that out in bunches. Only give out the advice when it is specifically asked for and even then, pile on the encouragement to go with it. Because mothering is tiring and hard and sometimes when it’s been a day of yelling at children and messy floors and sleepless nights, the best remedy is a hug—not a blog post on parenting.

Hang in there, Mama.  You will survive motherhood.  It will beat you down and stretch you far.  You will have beautiful moments with these tiny humans God gave you, and you will have moments when you will question everything.  Count it all joy! God chose you for these precious children. He knows what He is doing. He picked you to be their mom. Raise them up in Him.

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

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