“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
Dear Father in Heaven
This motherhood gig-–it’s no joke. It’s exhausting, full of difficult decisions, and some days I just need a break. My heart loves with a capacity that I didn’t know was possible. These children bring me more joy than I deserve. I love being a mom. But I feel so much pressure to get it right. There are so many moments I think I am failing them. Am I on the right track?
I love these littles You’ve given me. This year has been tough. I have learned lessons I never wanted to learn. I have taught lessons I never wanted to teach. I have learned that although they are my children on earth they really still belong to You. That isn’t always easy for my mama heart to grasp.
Today I need to lay my weakness at Your feet. I need to confess my sinful nature as a mom. But Father, please be gentle with me. My mama heart is fragile.
My love for these littles is so so great that too much of the time I spend in fear. Fear for their safety. Fear for their health. Fear for their future. And fear that I am not making the best choices for them. I have taken their well being out of Your hands and tried to carry that responsibility myself. That is not my job as their mother. And God, You and I both know that I am just not capable to protect them from the dangers in this world. Only You can do that. It is solely my job to train them up in the way they should go and trust you with the rest.
That is really hard for me to do. So be patient with me, I may fall into my old ways more often than I’d like to admit.
Back to that train them up thing, I need to make a confession here, too. When you said “the way they should go” – I realize that only You know what that way is for my children. I am guilty of thinking I know the best plan for their life. But You have shown me that Your ways are better (even when I don’t understand them). Forgive me for thinking I know best. I don’t.
So today from my tender mama heart I ask for Your forgiveness. I lay my children in Your loving hands. I lay down all the ways I thought they should go. I lay down all I tried to control. I lay down their health, their future, their lives. Because truthfully, Lord, all I want for their lives is for them to honor You in all they do and to bring glory to Your name.
And if that means
They do not get into great schools,
They do not excel in future jobs
They do not marry and have children
The world does not recognize their talents
They are overcome with illness
They do not outlive me in this world
They love others the way You do
They selflessly care for Your people
They give cheerfully
They praise You in all circumstances
Then that is all that I could ask for in this life. I put these children You have given me back in Your hands (because they were never really mine to take anyway), and I trust You with their future.
One more thing, Father, when they do encounter challenges and struggles and pain in their life to ultimately bring you glory, can you help me adequately prepare them? Help me train them today to face whatever You have in store for them tomorrow. Help me model for them in word and deed. Help the fruits of my life be an example of Your goodness. Let them see me love and care and give. Let them see me praise You in all circumstances. Let my life as their mama bring You glory.
Thank You for trusting me to be their mama.
Help me honor You in this job.